I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
