Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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