i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
