GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
