So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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