what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
In America we eat man semen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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