I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
