she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
