My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't deserve a penis
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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