And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
