Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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