Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
