And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
