Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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