i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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