No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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