My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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