nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
