it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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