No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
