So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
