I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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