i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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