Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
