We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
