I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
