you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
