We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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