Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
