bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
