guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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