Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
