Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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