Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
