My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
