question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize