she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
