where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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