And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
