it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
