Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up under a house in Key West
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