Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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