I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
