I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
