when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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