sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
