Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
