I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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