You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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