I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
