he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
