we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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