I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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