Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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