I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
