My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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