I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
