clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
