Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
