So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
