i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
