ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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