WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm just crazy horny about you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize