I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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