I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
