Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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