i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
