His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
