Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
