Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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