as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
