some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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